Once Upon A Time…Life
I have just done my 10K on the bike while listening to my music and looking at the sky from the balcony…I think the neighbours had a good distraction seeing me “dancing” on this motionless bike…Now, I just want to go out and dance for the entire night!!! I have actually never been in the need to take drugs…Music, sun, exciting projects, good people around me are all my cocaine…and I am totally addicted to that…-and also to good champagne…but that was before…and that may be also again at a later stage…when my little strong body will have recovered.
I knew chemo was killing me…sorry for the choice of words 😉…In fact…I always saw my treatment as a way to kill the monster which was growing inside me but not me…
Coming back to chemo time…I knew that I was really weak when I realised that I was not dancing alone in my flat anymore…I was actually not doing anything anymore…except lots of Netflix and a walk every day…even if sometimes that meant only 5 or 10min of walk outside of the flat…
It was only a few months ago…but I sometimes wonder if I am really the one who has experienced it…and then…I remember the nights after the chemo injections…I can still see myself seated on the sofa…not able to move even only my head or one of my fingers…my eyes staring at the TV screen without seeing anything…thinking that I should not close those eyes…I was too scared I would not wake up…I could feel my body…and my foggy brain…escaping…but I knew I needed to go through it to be able to enjoy life again!
I guess that explains the strong link you create with your own body…your foggy -crazy- brain and your little strong body fighting hands in hands…there was this animated series I loved as a child: “Il était une fois la vie”…I think it’s also called “Once Upon A Time…Life” in English…it is telling the story of human body to children…and as crazy at it sounds -again 😊-it helped me as well -when I tell you I am still a child!
My gigantic imagination is seeing the following:
…my cancer cells as bad red hangry devils…
…my antibodies and healthy cells as little nice healthcare people dressed in white with a red cross…
…the chemo as this huge amount of fluid being injected into my veins through this little box under my skin on the left of my chest…this fluid is full of little dangerous army soldiers coming to rescue me and help my nice doctors and nurses dressed in white eradicate all bad red hangry devils…of course, those soldiers are strong and may also kill lots of my nice doctors at the same time…but that is the price to pay if we never want to see those bad red devils coming back…and the good news is that my nice little healthcare people can recover after a while 😊
Every day…I was imagining the number of bad red devils getting reduced…and weaker…and I was convinced that my little strong body full of doctors and nurses together with the strong rescue soldiers would succeed…and they did…and they did so well that I want to cry thinking of it…and I would love to be able to organise the best party ever inside my new reconstructed right breast -would be such a futuristic place for a party 😊- for all my little healthcare people and I would almost also invite the strong army soldiers but I am quite happy they have left 😉. The music would be heard till early in the morning…I may have some hangover little doctors for a few days…but they would deserve to have fun…
Now…this recovering time is about helping my little people in white to get stronger again…and while helping them driving and manage my body health again…I realise that they help my body but also my dizzy brain to recover and wake up…
Awakening Lilie